Der Mann Aristoteles
war blöd, doch ich erzähl es:
Er spielte Philosoph
und fragte wie Klein Doof:
"Warum ist etwas da,
das da vorher noch nicht war?
Hmm...das hat bestimmt 'nen Grund!"
Vielen Dank für diesen Fund.
Ein Mann, genannt Diogenes,
der tat was Ungezogenes:
Er hat, wie alle wissen,
sich selber weggeschmissen.
So lebte er mit Wonne
in einer dicken Tonne,
und das war ein echter Renner -
heute macht des jeder Penner.
Die Philosoffen waren alle besoffen!
Das ist kein Witz und auch kein Neid:
Die waren breit, die ganze Zeit.
Die Philosoffen waren alle besoffen!
Liest man nur kurz in ihren Texten,
merkt man, dass sie Wodka exten.
Wahrheit ist zu später Stund'
eben ein Fass ohne Grund.
Doch mal ganz offen:
Das lässt mich hoffen,
dass man's im Leben zu was bringt,
wenn man trinkt.
Ein Mann, der Schopenhauer,
der macht mich wirklich sauer:
Der hatte einen Willen,
den konnt er aber nicht stillen.
Er fand, es sei Beschiss,
dass die Welt ist, wie sie is'.
Nun, das ist uns allen klar -
Schopi machte das zum Star.
Ein Mann mit Namen Hegel,
das war ein rechter Flegel:
der konnte etwas meinen
und es gleichzeitig verneinen.
Er widersprach sich ständig.
Das fand man wohl sehr wendig,
und man nannte diese Hektik
hochtrabend 'Dialektik'.
Die Philosoffen waren alle besoffen!
Sie sah'n der Wahrheit ins Gesicht
und waren hackestrunzendicht.
Die Philosoffen waren alle besoffen!
Liest man nur kurz in ihren Werken,
merkt man, wie sich Denker stärken:
Mit 'nem tiefen Blick ins Glas -
in vino veritas!
Doch mal ganz offen:
Das lässt mich hoffen,
dass es im Leben besser läuft,
wenn man säuft!
Ein Mann - das war der Platon -
da erzähl' ich euch noch grad von,
der wollt' was von Sokrates,
doch Sokrates, der verbat es.
Drum erfand der Platon Liebe,
die auskommt ohne Triebe -
na, wie soll denn das jetzt gehn?!
Im Suff hat man Ideen!
Die Philosoffen waren alle besoffen!
Sie waren voll bis unter'n Rand,
das nennt sich nüchterner Verstand.
Die Philosoffen waren sowas von besoffen!
Liest man nur kurz in ihren Schriften,
merkt man, dass sie wohl auch kifften:
Erst 'ne große Tüte bau'n
und dann die Wahrheit schaun'!
Doch mal ganz offen:
Das lässt nicht hoffen!
Ich bin betroffen
und könnt mich zoffen,
denn mir wird auf einmal klar,
was der Grund des Übels war -
drum ist alles schief gelaufen
und sie fingen an zu saufen,
waren sie auch noch so schlau:
Ihnen fehlte was.
Na, was war denn das?
Na, was wohl? Ja, genau: Eine...
...Frau findet man schwerlich
in der Philosophie, doch mal ehrlich,
es wäre auch verlogen,
zu sagen: Frauen nehmen keine Drogen.
Und doch ist etwas anders
als beim Mann. Ja, Mann, was kann das
denn nur sein? Ich denk und denk...
Jetzt brauch ich erst mal ein Getränk!
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