I can't tie my laces
I don't play the flute
My car is an automatic
I can't paint my nails
I never applaud
I'm not very good at Twister
And when my laptop crashes
I can't even press control-alt-delete
Cos I've got one hand
Hello can I speak to an emergency physician?
I have here a patient in a terrible condition
He's vomiting up blood and he'll soon need a mortician
Haematemesis
Bleurgh
Look at your skin, look at it's off-white hue,
Look at your eyeballs too,
They've gone all yellow
You came to me, you thought you had the flu.
I knew that wasn't true.
You wouldn't be yellow
We took some blood off you
That's just a thing we do
To folks who turn yellow
You're yellow like the desert in damascus is
You're yellow cos your liver has metastases
Do you know you're really f**cked you know
You're really f**ked you know
I would jog and I'd start rowing,
Every day you'd see me going to the park and to the gym
I'd go drinking in the pub and every evening I'd go clubbing
If I only had some limbs
I would learn to play the trumpet
Cos just sitting on my stump it tends to make my life quite grim
I'm content but I'd be more so if I wasn't just a torso
If I only had some limbs
Oh I just sit and cry, a quadruple amputee
I just hang around all day and watch TV
But that's the life of quadrapleg-ics
I'd play cards and I'd play scrabble,
Not just spend my days imagining a life where I had shins
Cos I've never had a date, hell I can't even masturbate
Oh if I only had some limbs
How can you just walk away from here?
How rude can a doctor be?
You're the orthopaedic registrar and we've been here since 3
You're the only one that we've been waiting for
So take a look at my nan
I think she's got a broken hip
We found her in the bathroom on the floor
You know I think she must have slipped
Take a look at my nan
The casualty doctor stated
One leg is shorter than the other
And it's externally rotated
Well take a look at my nan
Don't you know how long we've waited?
And if you can't fix her, then DNR
And can we have her cremated?
I'm pushing 83 and the trust are telling me to retire
I never take a history or consent
My post-op survival rate should be higher
In fact it's only 6 per cent
We work at Denmark Hill for the terminally I'll patients
But they're relatively well when they arrive
Cos I invent my own operations
And I'm the only one who leaves theatre alive
We're consultants, we're consultants at King's
We're consultants at King's
Do you feel any better?
Or do you feel the same?
We've done your operation now
And you've just yourself to blame
Now you've got 1 lung, 1 eye,
1 knee below your 1 thigh
We've removed your left hand side
And you're all right now
I get in the way
I don't know what to do or say
But I go in night and day
Vainly hoping someone will teach me
They say not today
Practice taking blood, okay
Me on take (Me on take)
Me on take (Me on take)
Me on take
Take me home
In the realm of rock 'n' roll, there are few names as iconic as Queen, and within the Queen pantheon, Brian May stands out not only as a legendary guitarist but also as an astrophysicist with a profound connection to NASA.
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David Crosby against Phoebe Bridgers, if we had been in the Middle Ages, they probably would have challenged each other with the sword, while in 2021 they decided to go wild with tweets.
Evan Rachel Wood, the beautiful protagonist of Westworld has decided to denounce the violence she has suffered for years, at least according to what she claims, by Marilyn Manson.
After some positive signs in the past months, here is the news that we weren't hoping to learn and that throws new questions on the possibility of organizing festivals and live concerts for 2021.
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We still talk about music, but today we do it from a different point of view, taking a cue from a book, a photographic book called Ten Cities.
I was about 6 years old when I listened for the first time "Blowing in the wind" hummed by my mom while she was accompanying me to school, the version was the Italian one, but I liked the rhythm right away.
