One smoky day in a darkened scullery
Doon by the river in a factory town
Where bad things happen & the walls are drippn'
And the ghosts are flittin' frae the cold hard ground
A pot & kettle on the hob were settled
A' hissin' their patter so bileous cruel
An awfy matter o' clout & claterin'
Battlin' wits in a hideous duel
Lids a rattlin' belchin steam
Life aint nothin but a fevered dream
'Youre a lowly villain'
'Youre a terrible liar'
'But were both here cookin on the same old fire'
Guts a bubblin belchin steam
Life aint nothin but a fevered dream
'Youre a chanty pot'
'And youre a shite for brains'
'But were both here hangin on the same old chains'
"Ive roasted a wealth of exotic things
All torn to ribbons at the hands of kings
Polished copper how I proudly shone
Stealin the fire of the blazing sun"
"Ye've boilt nae mair'n 'em old soup bones
Ive boilt the tea for them stately homes
I were rattled like a drum each Hogmanay
Then scrubbed tae the devil on the follwin' day"
"O kettle yer metal is a terrible hue
Riddled wi' holes cannae hold yer brew
Yer lids all crooked & yer sides bashed in
It'll no be long afore ye see the bin"
"Pot your not so bright as me
A hags old cauldron is all you'd be
You reek o' gruel & yourenone too young
Fit for to carry but the peels & dung"
Lids a rattlin' belchin steam
Life aint nothin but a fevered dream
'Youre a lowly villain'
'Youre a terrible liar'
'But were both here cookin on the same old fire'
Guts a bubblin belchin steam
Life aint nothin but a fevered dream
'Youre an old piss bucket'
'Youre a dented can'
'But we're neither as black as that roasting pan'
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