I call you from my car to say, "I'll be there in awhile,"
A short plane ride and I will get to see your pretty smile.
Nothing on the radio, I fiddle with the dial,
Then I see a sign, the airport's just another mile.
I check my bags and think about how much I hate to fly.
And as I near security, I almost start to cry.
Well, I hope the law enforcement agents can't tell from my face,
I've got 3 balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.
I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,
Cause with 4 balloons of heroin, it's getting crowded up in there.
Crowded up in there.
My mind is all a jumble and my blood is cold as ice,
I dread the thought of having to unload this merchandise.
"Relax," I say, "It's not so bad, it might feel kinda nice.
Besides, who hasn't a finger up there once or twice?"
I must remember, don't leave any drugs inside the host,
I did that once and a girl who tossed my salad overdosed!
Well, I say a little prayer, Hail Maria Full of Grace,
I've got 3 balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.
I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,
And I swear I'm farting lines of blow into my underwear,
From my derriere.
I was a little eager when I loaded up my stash,
5 balloons of ecstasy and 6 balloons of hash.
8 balloons of LSD and 9 of Sensimil.
A box of Chinese fireworks, Guatemalan child.
I made it to my gate now and my joy I can't contain,
I board the aircraft and take my seat in the cockpit of the plane!
As I taxi down the runway, I get a smile on my face,
I've got 3 balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.
Flight crew, prepare for takeoff, as I lift us into air,
And, by the way, does anyone want to by Guatemalan child?
From my derriere.
I got 3 balloons.
Uh, I got 3 balloons.
Oooh, I got 3 balloons!
Stephen Andrew Lynch is an American singer-songwriter, comedian, and actor born in Boston in 1972. Known for his unique musical style that blends elements of folk, alternative rock, and cabaret, Lynch has gained a large fanbase thanks to his ironic songs, often self-deprecating, and his sharp lyrics that tackle themes like everyday life, human relationships, and the American experience. His musical career began in the 1990s with performances in Boston clubs before achieving national success with his debut album "A Little Bit of Everything" (2003). Lynch has released numerous other successful albums, including "The Music Is Dead" (2005), "The Best of Stephen Lynch" (2010) and "Up in the Air" (2018). Besides music, Lynch is also a successful actor with appearances in films and TV series like "Scrubs", "Boston Legal" and "The Big Bang Theory". Among his most famous songs are "I'm Gonna Be a Star", "The Ballad of the Broken Heart", "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend" and "You Can't Stop Me Now".
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