My life was Comedy.
Quitting drinking was the easiest thing I've ever done.
I have never looked back.
I simply cannot understand why the hell I waited so long! Unmanageable life--what an embarrassment! What a weakness.
What an ultimate lack of self-discipline.
What a loser.
My parents never drank or smoked, and I put them through hell.
My poor parents.
I was such an ungrateful, disrespectful, selfish, hormonal little teenager with a mouthy attitude and sense of humour quite unlike my sister's.
I decided I didn't need to continue attending church with my parents.
I was searching for my individuality.
What an idiot.
I wanted attention.
I wanted everyone to think I was funny.
I wanted everyone to like me.
I, I hated myself.
I was called Bug Eyes.
I was called Fish Lips.
And, I was called Modern Dairies.
The grade 9 girls hated me.
They harassed me and beat me up.
I wonder if they're living exciting, fulfilling loving lives.
I wonder if they're happy and healthy.
Me and my best friend Karine had every line of every Eddie Murphy movie down.
Goonay goo goo you can smell it I'm a karate man.
Karate man bruise on inside.
Just don't show othe weakness.
Banana in the tailpipe.
Babulay Babulay bahaha.
Babulay babulay ba ha.
You name it.
I wanted to be Eddie Murphy.
Or, or Robin Williams.
I wanted to be them.
I still am enraptured with comedians.
They must always be carefree and laughing and playing jokes and having fun.
Except for maybe Richard Lewis.
He always says he can't get a date.
Betcha he can.
Betcha he's really ticklish, like me.
Tickled with life, tickled pink.
Pink laaadies.
Black Russians.
Iron butterflies.
Quitting drinking was the easiest thing I've ever done.
Quitting my comedic dreams was hard.
I can never look back on either.
Beth Torbert, known professionally as Bif Naked, is a Canadian singer-songwriter born in Vancouver in 1968. Her music is characterized by a blend of alternative rock, punk and pop, with lyrics often introspective and personal that address themes such as mental health, love and the fight against social injustices. Bif Naked began her musical career in the 1990s, quickly gaining a large fan base thanks to her stage charisma and energetic music. Her debut album, "Bif Naked", released in 1996, was a commercial success and earned her numerous accolades. Among her most well-known songs are "I Love You", "Spaceman" and "The Ballad of Bif Naked". Throughout her career, Bif Naked has collaborated with artists such as The Smashing Pumpkins and Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. Her music has been featured in several films and television shows, solidifying her international success.
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