Wanna spend some quality time with my son,
So I brought him down to the fishin' hole.
Didn't like the feelin' of that worm in his hand.
Got mad.
Threw down his fishin' pole!
Said, "That's alright, son, let's go and get an ice cream.".
"Let your ol' man buy you a treat!"
But he didn't like no flavors up upon that wall,
Started cryin'.
And ran into the street!
He's an asshole!
My kid's an asshole!
I swear, he just don't float my boat.
Always cryin'.
Always cryin'!
Made me wanna punch 'im in his little throat!
Called my lady up to tell 'er what had happened,
How our son had run away!
She said, "Don't worry baby, I will talk to him,"
"And everything will be okay!
My lady's an asshole!
She is an asshole!
Her assholishness is off the charts!
Always perfect.
Always perfect!
Made me wanna punch 'er in her lady parts!
*whistling*
I decided I'd go down to the bar,
And drown my sorrows in a beer!
But the sign outside said, "Closed for renovations,
We'll open up again next year!"
That bar is an asshole.
It's an asshole!
Oh, the worst bar in the land!
Always closin'.
Always closin'!
Ya can't punch a bar 'cause you'll hurt your hand!
*whistling*
I went home to forget about my troubles,
Sat down in my favorite easy chair.
Couldn't relax for the pain I was feelin',
As my hemorrhoid began to flare.
My asshole's an asshole.
A real butt-hole!
Needs to put his asshole-self in check!
Always burnin'.
Always itchin'!
Made me wanna punch 'im in his asshole neck!
*whistling*
Late one night, lyin' awake in bed,
Mm, a realization came.
'Are there really assholes everywhere I look,
Or am I the one to blame?'
Maybe I just do not say the things I should say,
An' I don't do the things I ought?
So I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror,
And this is what I thought:
The guy who sold me this mirror's an asshole!
He's an asshole!
Son of a bitch said it was antique!
Always lyin',
Always lyin'!
Made me wanna punch 'im in his salesman cheek!
I'm on a real asshole streak!
I could open up an asshole boutique!
I think the song has reached its peak!
Goodbye, you assholes, see ya next week!
Stephen Andrew Lynch è un cantautore, comico e attore statunitense nato a Boston nel 1972. Noto per il suo stile musicale unico che combina elementi di folk, rock alternativo e cabaret, Lynch ha conquistato una vasta fanbase grazie alle sue canzoni ironiche, spesso autoironiche, e ai suoi testi pungenti che affrontano temi come la vita quotidiana, le relazioni umane e l'esperienza americana. La sua carriera musicale è iniziata negli anni '90 con spettacoli in locali di Boston prima di ottenere un successo nazionale con il suo album di debutto "A Little Bit of Everything" (2003). Lynch ha pubblicato numerosi altri album di successo, tra cui "The Music Is Dead" (2005), "The Best of Stephen Lynch" (2010) e "Up in the Air" (2018). Oltre alla musica, Lynch è anche un attore affermato, con apparizioni in film e serie TV come "Scrubs", "Boston Legal" e "The Big Bang Theory". Tra le sue canzoni più famose si ricordano "I'm Gonna Be a Star", "The Ballad of the Broken Heart", "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend" e "You Can't Stop Me Now".
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