(All my life I've loved Jimmy Durante, as I suppose you have too, and the next thing is kind of a Jimmy Durante type song that I wrote. And it goes like this:)
If I could play the piano
Like I'd like to play the piano,
I would sit down at the piano,
And I'd play.
That's how I'd play the piano night and day.
If I could play the banjo
Like I'd like to play the banjo,
I'd go out and buy a banjo
And a pick.
I mean I'd play the banjo really slick.
If I could play the bongos,
I'd go get a set of drums.
I'd entertain my chums
And then they'd call me twinkle thumbs.
But I can't play the piano,
Or the banjo, or the bongos,
'Cause when I sit down to play
The people laugh.
So I guess I'll have to play my phonograph.
But my phonograph is broke,
My phonograph is broke,
My phonograph is broke,
I bought it in Hoboken,
They fixed it in Shamokin,
I mean it, I'm not jokin'.
My phonograph is broke,
Let's finish this, I'm chokin'.
I'm chokin' and I'm croakin'.
Hey, stop the music.
Stop the music.
Stop the music!
Stop the music!
The following big finish comes to you from that other great piano player, Van
Cliburn.
Tank you!
Allan Sherman (November 30, 1924 – November 20, 1973) was an American comedy writer and television producer who became famous as a song parodist in the early 1960s. Born in New York to a Jewish family, Sherman began his career as a comedy writer for theater and television. His debut album, *My Son, the Folk Singer* (1962), became the fastest-selling record album up to that time, thanks to the success of songs like "Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh", a parody of Ponchielli's famous *Dance of the Hours*. Sherman continued to release successful albums throughout the 1960s and 1970s, characterized by intelligent humor and catchy melodies. Among his most famous songs are also "The Ballad of Irving Berlin" and "A Bushel and a Peck". His music helped define American musical humor in the 1960s, influencing generations of artists.
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