ROD:
Ahhhh, an afternoon alone with my favorite book: "Broadway Musicals of the 1940's". No roommate to bother me. How could it get any better than this?
NICKY:
Oh, hi Rod!
ROD:
Hi, Nicky.
NICKY:
Uh, hey Rod, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning. This guy was smilin' at me, and talkin' to me...
ROD:
mmm, that's very interesting.
NICKY:
...mmmhmm, he was being real friendly. And, I think he was coming on to me. I think he might have thought I was gay.
ROD:
Ahem...So, uh, why you tellin' me this? Why should I care? I don't care? What did you have for lunch today?
NICKY:
Well, you don't have to get all defensive, Rod...
ROD:
I'M NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE! Why do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I am trying to read.
NICKY:
Well, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.
ROD:
Well, I do not want to talk about it, Nicky. This conversation is over.
NICKY:
Yeah, but Rod...
ROD:
OVER!
NICKY:
Well, okay. But just so you know...
If you were gay
that'd be okay
I mean 'cause hey
I'd like you anyway
ROD:
Argh.
NICKY:
Because you see
if it were me
I would feel free to say
That I was gay
...but I'm not gay.
ROD:
Nicky, please, I am trying to read....What?!?
NICKY:
If you were queer
ROD:
Oh, Nicky.
NICKY:
I'd still be here
ROD:
Nicky, I am trying to read this book.
NICKY:
Year after year
ROD:
Nicky!
NICKY:
Because you're dear to me
ROD:
Argh!
NICKY:
And I know that you
ROD:
What?
NICKY:
Would accept me, too
ROD:
I would?
NICKY:
If I told you today,
"Hey, guess what, I'm gay".
...but I'm not gay.
I'm happy just being with you
ROD:
High Button Shoes, Pay Joey...
NICKY:
So what should it matter to me
What you do in bed with guys?
ROD:
Nicky, that is gross!
NICKY:
No, it's not
If you were gay
ROD:
Argh.
NICKY:
I'd shout horray!
ROD:
I am not listening.
NICKY:
And here I'd stay
ROD:
LA LA LA LA LA!
NICKY:
But I wouldn't get in your way
ROD:
AAAAH!
NICKY:
You can count on me
To always be
Beside you everyday
To tell you it's okay
You we're just born that way
And as they, it's in your DNA
You're gay.
ROD:
I AM NOT GAY!!!
NICKY:
If you were gay.
ROD:
ARGH!
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