Lyrics The professor's song Tom Lehrer

The professor's song

To if you give me your attention.
If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am.
Im a brilliant mathmatician - also something of a ham.
I have tried for numerous degrees, in fact Ive one of each;
Of course that makes me eminently qualified to teach.
I understand the subject matter thoroughly, its true,
And I cant see why it isnt all as obvious to you.
Each lecture is a masterpiece, meticulously planned,
Yet everybody tells me that Im hard to understand,
And I cant think why.

My diagrams are models of true art, you must agree,
And my handwriting is famous for its legibility.
Take a word like minimum (to choose a random word),
This was performed at a blackboard, and the professor wrote:
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
For anyone to say he cannot read that, is absurd.
The anecdotes I tell get more amusing every year,
Though frankly, what they go to prove is sometimes less than clear,
And all my explanations are quite lucid, I am sure,
Yet everybody tells me that my lectures are obscure,
And I cant think why.

Consider, for example, just the force of gravity:
Its inversely proportional to something - let me see -
Its r^3 - no, r^2 - no, its just r, Ill bet -
The sign in front is plus - or is it minus, I forget -
Well, anyway, there is a force, of that there is no doubt.
All these formulas are trivial if you only think them out.
Yet students tell me, I have memorized the whole year through
Evrything youve told us, but the problems I cant do.
And I cant think why!