Most of my songs are either original or stolen
If you didn't know that, pretty soon you will
And most of my stories are augmented
With a substance known as apocrofill
You don't wanta use too much of it
You might turn into a marketing executive
Opened for a funk band up in MilwaukeeCouple waitin for the band got a little bit talky
I sang 20 minutes, they said this guy's funny
I sang another 20, they said this guy's not funny
Same guy, different minutes
Guess when they realized I was serious
They decided it wasn't funny
In the pleasant city of AlbuquerqueDude got pleasantly drunk and took me too seriously
Knocked me on my tush
In a redneck bar in Smyrna, GeorgiaGuy at the front table said lemme warn yaDon't say anything bad about George BushThat's the trouble with political jokesin this country
They get elected
On the Sunset Strip in the Comedy StoreA glass of white wine I was sippin
Waiting in line to play for free
While totally unbeknownst to me
One of the other 33
Was a fellow by the name of David LippinThey called him, I heard it wrong
I got up to sing my song
Put on my shades and tie, got nervous
Said Lippin's been detained,I'm the singin' CIA agent at your service
Got halfway through my parody
Two bouncers bounded up to me
Surrounded me with looks so stern
Said I was clippin Lippin's turn
Took me back behind the bar
Examined all my ID cards
The crowd was shoutin, let him play!
We don't know what he's tryin to say
But we like his tie and his ripped off songs
And anyway, everyone else is boring!
Standin on a stage in old BelgradeWith my brother translating my jokesinto Serbo-CroatianSome officials were afraid of my musical tirade
So I got censored on the national TV station
They said do you know any a-political songs?
I said you mean like a hymn to human wrongs?
In a cloistered convent in AlabamaI was singin at a human rights-a-rama
The nuns were in their eighties and fell asleep
When they woke up they came up and said I was deep
Deep slumber, I oughta bottle it
They liked to go to see the governorand talk about justice
The secretary would say look out, here come the nuns!
Down the road to the missile theme park
And we bullshat our way in
For a NASA peaceful missile back-drop photo op
Troop of boy scouts trooped in and looked confused
I said hey, it's OK, I'm CIAThey went away...way away
Down in New Orleans where everythings fineThere's a club in the French Quarter where you order wine
Lots of wine, and the walls roll up to keep it cool
But a heckler drove me to the brink
At half-time I approached the bar
I said that woman's had enough to drink
Could you show her the door, I asked the bar's night manager
He said she might get sore and besides, she's the day manager
I always said there's no justice in this country
Sometimes people complain a bit
About the fact that I complain a bit
Two guys came backstage one time on the road
Big guys, each had his own area code
Said hey guy, you write a lotta songs complaining
About all the democracies we overthrew
To defend democracy, don't you?
How would you like it if we overthrew you?
I said you must have mistaken me for Tracy ChapmanBut I knew what to do cause it happened before
In the Southwest, by the stage door
When that pleasant drunk I told you about before
Wanted a crack at me
For the cracks I was makin
That he just couldn't see
So I took off my shades,looked him straight in the eye
But that's no way to forestall a fist on the fly
And I knew thatLater
So later on up in South DakotaI gave those area codes a forlorn glance
And took off my pants
Man and woman sittin there front and center
One was laughin, the other wishin they'd never entered
After intermission sure enough, one empty seat
When they both got home there must have been some heat
Oh well, if you can't be homeenjoying your own relationship
At least you can be out there breakin up someone else's
Dave Lippman is an American singer-songwriter and folk musician. Active since 2000, he is known for his satirical and protest songs that often address social and political issues. His most famous album, *I Hate Wal-Mart*, released in 2004, was a great success thanks to its critical message against the retail giant. Lippman is an independent artist who regularly performs on tour across the United States. Some of his most representative songs include: *I Hate Wal-Mart*, *The Ballad of the Broken Heart*, *Working Man Blues*.
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