It's out of my hands and all I can do is wait.
It's the not knowing that has put me in this state.
The minutes feel like hours, the tension is too great.
I've done my part, so now it's in the hands of fate.
Waiting for my AIDS test to come back,
I shouldn't have fucked that prostitute without a prophylactic.
Waiting for my AIDS test to come back,
Regret is dripping from me like my semen down her crack and now I wait.
My nerves, they have been frayed, my pants, they have been shat.
I know the nurse will say, "It's time to have a chat."
At least I'll never worry about getting fat,
I should think positive...no, wait, I didn't say that!
Waiting for my AIDS test to come back,
I never should have blown that tranny in my Cadillac.
Waiting for my AIDS test to come back,
I just had to taste that sweet forbidden nectar from his sack and now I wait.
Is it over? Will my jersey be retired?
Will my name stitched upon a quilt be required?
Did I make a difference? Was my life inspired?
Will Denzel Washington defend me when I'm fired?
Waiting for my AIDS test to come back,
Eating asshole shouldn't be an aphrodisiac.
Waiting for my AIDS test to come back,
If I'm clean, I swear to God I will stop shooting smack...probably.
Boys and girls, don't be naive,
Take it from your uncle Steve.
AIDS cares not who it affects,
Caught from unprotected sex.
Sharing needles, blood or spit,
Or piss, or semen, even shit.
From handshakes, sneezes, toilet seats,
From monkey bites and uncooked meats.
From dirty coins and dredlocked hair,
From certain children in daycare.
Drinking water, breathing air,
I tell you, AIDS is everywhere.
Oh, God, I can't take anymore.
I think I'll run right out that door.
But, wait, the nurse comes straight away,
Tell me, what does my test say?
I'm OK!
I'm OK!
I'm OK!
It's just gonorrhea!
Stephen Andrew Lynch is an American singer-songwriter, comedian, and actor born in Boston in 1972. Known for his unique musical style that blends elements of folk, alternative rock, and cabaret, Lynch has gained a large fanbase thanks to his ironic songs, often self-deprecating, and his sharp lyrics that tackle themes like everyday life, human relationships, and the American experience. His musical career began in the 1990s with performances in Boston clubs before achieving national success with his debut album "A Little Bit of Everything" (2003). Lynch has released numerous other successful albums, including "The Music Is Dead" (2005), "The Best of Stephen Lynch" (2010) and "Up in the Air" (2018). Besides music, Lynch is also a successful actor with appearances in films and TV series like "Scrubs", "Boston Legal" and "The Big Bang Theory". Among his most famous songs are "I'm Gonna Be a Star", "The Ballad of the Broken Heart", "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend" and "You Can't Stop Me Now".
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