Mamo, tyle lat nie ma ciê.
Mamo ciep³a brak, a ty gdzie?
Uciekasz za dom.
Uciekasz jak pies.
Mamo, ogarnia mnie koszmarny sen, boje siê.
Mamo ramie daj, b³agam Ciê.
Mamo, trzech lat kocham Ciê
Chocia¿ mnie nie chcia³a? mieæ.
- Hej tam piwo lej do r¹k
Dlaczego, dlaczego dr¿¹?
Mam dwadzie?cia piêæ lat,
i ¿ycie po³amane jak patyk.
Co spojrzê wstecz, ogromna czarna plama.
Co spojrzê przed siê, twardy, zimny g³az.
Czu³em powo³anie w ¿yciu swym
na ksiêdza albo na ¿o³nierza
i pozna³em, ¿e ni ten ani tamten
nie maj¹ ju¿, czego broniæ.
By³em Faustem i by³em Prometeuszem,
porównywa³em py³ek wiedzy,z wszech?wiatowym py³em tajemnicy.
I wydziera³em ogieñ niebu,
aby go nie?æ swoim braciom.
Kto ma³y okaza³ siê robaczkiem ?wiêtojañskim,
który ?wieci nie o?wiecaj¹c i pali siê nie rozpalaj¹c.
A serce moje,
które opukiwa³o ca³¹ ziemiê
szukaj¹c nieznajomej i nie znalaz³o jej.
Porwawszy go³êbice wyla³o ?wiêt¹
niewinn¹ krew - narzêdzie u³omnienia,
które nawet o pomstê wo³aæ nie mo¿e.
A kiedym przyzywa³ do boju
wszystkie legiony ¿ywych
pod has³em, "kto w Boga wie¿y",
pozna³em wówczas
przy o?lepiaj¹cym ?wietle prawdy,
¿e w g³êbi ochnistrantku wszech¿ycia
le¿y zbrodnia
i ostatni sztandar swój spaliæ muszê.
Tak wiêc jestem teraz ¿ywy bez ¿ycia,
têskny bez têsknoty i b³¹dz¹cy bez b³êdu.
Okrêt mój nie maj¹c kompasu ani steru,
p³ynie w nieznan¹ dal.
Wiêc niech siê wype³ni miara mojej pustyni.
Porzucê ten ?wiat,
którego intrygi nie s¹ do?æ zabawne,
ani cierpienia do?æ ma³e, aby utrzymaæ swe ³zy.
Zamknê siê w piêknym
ksi¹¿êcym grobie moich przodków.
A mo¿e, mo¿e odkryje nowy ?wiat swojej duszy,
którego przeczucie zjawia mi siê
z nieodpart¹ si³¹,
ow¹ metafizyczn¹ stron¹ duszy,
któr¹ widzê we snach swoich
a zapominam na jawie.
I tak mo¿e mi siê uda zwiedziæ
drug¹ po³owê ksiê¿yca,
wiecznie zakryt¹ dla ziemskiej ?wiadomo?ci.
Oto jest dzieñ jasny, s³oneczny,
ale có¿ to znaczy,
moja dusza ma swoje w³asne ?wiat³o,
i swoje w³asne od s³oñca niezale¿ne
ciemno?ci.
Pójd?my st¹d, bo dla tego,
który mierzy³ kul¹ we w³asne serce,
nie ma ani dzi?, ani jutro, ani tu, ani tam.
Tylko niezmierzone królestwa my?li
zamkniête w ³upinie orzecha.
Mamo, tak bym chcia³ chwaliæ Ciê
Ale jak... skoro wiem?
Mamo, trzech lat kocham Ciê.
Chocia¿ mnie nie chcia³a? mieæ.
- Hej tam piwo lej do r¹k
Dlaczego, dlaczego dr¿¹?
Mamo, pije sam, nie wiem gdzie?
O wszystkie dzieci modle siê.
Za twój grzech.
Uciek³a? za dom.
Uciek³a? jak pies.
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