Lynda Lemay

Lyrics Epoustouflante Lynda Lemay

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Epoustouflante


J'suis arrivée une bonne demi-heures
plus tôt que l'heure d'mon rendez-vous
le temps d'être sûre de la couleur
pour ne pas regretter après coup
le temps d'fouiller dans les revues
pour découvrir Claudia Schiffer
les bras en l'air à moitiè nue
bien entendu belle comme un cœur
c'est alors que j'ai eu un flash
j'ai dit "c'est comme elle que je les veux"
mon vieux faut pas que tu me les gâches
ce soir je vois mon amoureux
j'ai insisté sur la longueur
y a dit "du calme chère cliente
soyez tranquille, ayez pas peur
je vais vous rendre époustouflante"
il a dit je connais mon art
laissez-moi faire, vous allez voir
je vais vous faire un look d'enfer
on va vous prendre pour une star
il semblait tellement convaincu
que je lui ai dit "je te fais confiance"
j'ai pris place avec ma revue
en essayant d'garder l'silence
morte de trouille avec ma cape
et ma serviette autour du cou
j'ai subi la fameuse étape
du casque de bain avec des trous
messieurs vous avez pas idée
vous qui passer chez le barbier
vous faire donner un coup d'ciseaux
avant d'retourner au bureau
de ce qui faut que l'on endure
et de combien on s'humilie
lorsque l'on risque notre chevelure
comme s'il s'agissait de notre vie
aux mains de c'que l'on appelle une "tante"
qui jure que l'ovale de notre visage
exige telle ou telle permanente
et puis tel ou tel balayage
oui vous qui n'êtes que témoin
de notre retour hystérique
la tête comme une botte de foin
et l'porte-feuille anorexique
vous qui avez la lourde tâche
de réprimer votre fou rire
pendant qu'on s'cache
dans la salle de bain et qu'on refuse de sortir
j'en était donc au casque affreux
qui me retombait sur les yeux
quelle fa^cheuse position
pour apercevoir dans le salon
ma grande voisine de six pieds un
avec sa jupe et son parfum
qui s'en vient s'écrier "salut
Lynda j'tai presque pas r'connue"
puis j'ai eu droit au bigoudis
"c'est juste pour donner plus de corps"
que la fofolle m'avait promis
avant que je passe au séchoir
il avait simplement omis
d'me dire que j'aurais l'air d'avoir
d'la parenté en haiti
c'était crépu quelque chose de rare
enfin comble de désespoir
les mèches blondes sont sorties rousses
le tour d'oreille fait au rasoir
fallait que j'attende que ça repousse
ce qu'y a pire dans mon histoire
c'est qu'après mon passage à la caisse
j'ai dit "merci beaucoup, bonsoir"
comme la reine des épaisses
je suis revenue en beau maudit
epoustouflante qu'il m'avait dit
ben pour epoustoufler ça oui
j'époustouflait en jésus Christ
je me suis étudiée dans le miroir
en petite culottes en levant les bras
j'ai jamais réussi à voir
la ressemblance avec Claudia
j'ai annulé mon rendez-vous
de peur qu'le gars soit asthmatique
y aurait pu crever sur le coup
a peine passé le portique
j'ai juré que plus jamais de ma vie
j'aurais recours à un expert
au diable l'art, vive les tony
les beaux permanents de ma mère

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