1 er couplet
Tout à l'heure
Je roulais sur mon scooter dans Paris
D'une voiture, au feu rouge, un mec me dit
« Eh madame il est quelle heure ? »
Je lui réponds « Midi »
Il me dit « Madame qu'est ce que t'es bonne
Tu veux pas me faire une gâterie ? »
Ses potes rigolent
Sur le moment j'ai pas compris
Je réponds
« Mon grand, c'est pas comme ça qu'on parle aux gens
Tu n'aimerais pas qu'on parle comme ça à ta maman »
Le mec me regarde
Avec une tête de chien de garde
Il me fait « Vas-y parle pas de ma mère ou je te défonce »
Je lui réponds « du calme Alphonse
Je te connais pas, tu m'agresses
C'est quoi ce manque de délicatesse ?
On t'a pas dit de traiter les femmes
Comme des princesses ? »
Il me dit « ouais mais toi je te baise ! »
Je lui dis « ben nan justement
C'est bien ça le malaise ... »
Refrain
Tu sais que garçon
Si t'enlève la cédille
Ça fait gar con
Et Gare aux cons ma fille
Gare aux cons
Gare aux cons
Gare aux cons
Qui perdent leur cédille
di di doum
di di dam
La la la la la la
Je continue mon chemin
Au feu suivant
J'entends « Hé grosse cochonne !
Quand tu veux je te prends »
C'est encore Alphonse
Avec sa tête de gland
Je lui dis : « là tu t'enfonces c'est indécent
J'y crois pas mec redescends de ta planète
Tu te prends pour Tony Montana
T'as même pas de poils sur la quéquette »
Il me dit « Vas y sois pas vulgaire
Tu vas voir où je vais te la mette »
Je lui dis « c'est moi qui suis vulgaire ?
Non mais la c'est la fête !
Je rêve pour qui tu te prends
Maintenant tu t'arrêtes !»
Je descends, il descend,
Je lui dis « c'est le bordel dans ta tête !
Qu'est ce que tu comptes faire ?
Là t'es en galère, je veux des excuses
J'attends, et je lâcherais pas l'affaire »
Il me dit « nan toi tu t'excuses
Espèce de vieille sorcière »
« C'est la meilleure je t'ai donné l'heure,
J'aurais mieux fait de me taire »
Refrain
Tu sais que garçon
Si t'enlève la cédille
Ça fait garcon
Et Gare aux cons ma fille
Gare aux cons
Gare aux cons
Gare aux cons
Qui perdent leur cédille
di di doum
di di dam
La la la la la la
Voilà comment
Parlent certains garçons
Quelle honte !
Il mériterait une bonne leçon
Tu veux jouer, on va jouer
Je lui dis « Baisse ton caleçon
Tu parles beaucoup, ça manque d'action
Tu m'as demandé ? Une fellation ? »
Tout à coup Alphonse a une révélation
Il renonce et me dit
« Ouais vas y c'est bon !
Lâche moi pardon »
Je lui dis « C'est bien
T'as l'air moins con,
C'est pas normal d'avoir besoin
De parler aux femmes de cette façon
Y a un sérieux problème d'éducation
Pourtant je suis sûre que t'as un bon fond »
Il me dit « t'as raison je me sens tout bidon
C'est mes potes qui me poussent
J'ai la pression !»
Je lui dis « c'est bon pleure pas »
Il manquait plus que ça
Alphonse qui fond en larmes dans mes bras
Je lui dit « toi t'as besoin d'amour ça se voit !
Allez viens-là ! Fais un bisou à tata »
REFRAIN
Tu sais que garçon
Si t'enlève la cédille
Ça fait gar con
Et Gare aux cons ma fille
Gare aux cons
Gare aux cons
Gare aux cons
Qui perdent leur cédille
di di doum
di di dam
La la la la la la
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