Classic FM in my earbuds
Awake with an achy tooth
I see a spider silhouetted on the gutter
Caught in the glow of a text
Who in the hell would be messaging you
At three-o'-bloody-clock in the morning?
The screen of your mobile goes dark before I can draw focus
You're snoring like a pig
I creep around the bed and
Key in your passcode
Our daughter's date of birth
To have all my fears confirmed
With a heart emoji
A heart emoji
And the words "I miss you too"
We were assistant bar managers at the Carling Academy
Paying for our degrees, serving piss to the hordes
On a seemingly never-ending loop
I hadn't been working there very long
You were giving me a bollocking for pouring a Guinness wrong
When the announcement came over the PA
To evacuate the building
Huddled under your parka
In the doorway of Cash Converters
You had the cheek to ask me on a date
I said, I'd not consider it
Until you apologize
Apologize, apologize
And mean it
Get the carving knife from the dishwasher
To stab through your heart
And take a backwards step
To feel the touch of something cold and wet
And to my horror, to my horror
There's a slug squashed between my toes
Richard Dawson (born Colin Lionel Emm on February 13, 1932 in Stoke-on-Trent, England – died June 2, 2012 in Los Angeles, California) was a British-American actor and television host. Known for his appearances on the quiz show *Match Game*, Dawson also played roles in films such as *The Dirty Dozen* (1967) and *Hogan's Heroes*. Dawson was famous for his cheeky humor and the habit of kissing female contestants during his hosting stint on *Match Game*. His television career spanned over 30 years, making him an iconic figure in American television of the 1970s and 1980s. Besides his television work, Dawson also acted in several films and TV series, demonstrating a wide range of talent. Some of his most representative works include *The Dirty Dozen*, *Hogan's Heroes* and *Match Game*.
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