Now, all shoppers, once again it's your boy, Chuck Foolery
I hope your shopping experience has been as awesome as seeing that orange baked potato being shuffled out of the Oval Office as it was for me
Question
Have you ever wanted to just roll yourself up into a weighted duvet and forget about your shitty day?
If so, go to aisle 12 and peep out our brand new Monarch mattress
It's absolutely Cocoon-ish
Is that even a word? Who gives a fuck
But I sure do remember that movie from the '80s with all the geriatric folks
And I'm t?lling you, the full Monarch is the perf?ct mattress for you
With its climate control remote control
You go to bed feeling like a larvae and wake up feeling like a full on monarch butterfly
If you don't believe me, just ask my buddy Jerry
It's great
Also, make sure to crawl your way to aisle 8 for a taste of heaven
Again, thank you for shopping at Matty's Mattresses where our motto is and always will be
"You've never slept better"
Yeah, ya do
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