Avete mai sentito parlar di Filomena?
Non era un granché bella, appena carina
vendeva frutta e fiori in Piazza Carlina
ed io la spiavo dalla saracinesca
del mio esercizio di caccia e pesca.
Fin quando che un bel dì, coraggio nelle mani
dico: "Filomena che tu fai domani?"
Lei sfoglia il calendario degli impegni suoi
e mi risponde "fatti tre forchettate di cazzi tuoi!"
"Filomena, why don't you believe
to my heart that is so sincere?
Andiamo a mangiare un riso cantonese,
non temere, bado io alle spese",
ma lei molto più audace,
mi dice: "vieni da me dove tutto tace".
Filomena son le quattro del mattino
ora basta, spegniamo il lumicino,
chiotti chiotti isoliamoci in un guscio
tu ed io e il mondo al di là dell'uscio.
E se dolcemente mordo il tuo lobo appena appena
poco dopo inizieremo una fantastica altalena,
questa sera m'hai promesso il fuoco dei tuoi vent'anni,
questa sera sarò il tuo piccolo Mastroianni.
Invece lei mi vuol parlare del sociale
e di come la politica oggidì funziona male
usa termini come deregulation
e se parla dell' America dice gentrification;
questa sera ho già capito che va in bianco:
Filomena passera in rassegna cielo, mare e terra,
se comincia con il buco dell' ozono
tra due ore ma la smena con l'effetto serra.
Quindi continua coi progressi della scienza
nella mia più completa e assonnata indifferenza
e se parla dell'aumento della popolazione ancora più totale
la mia disattenzione; che ti frega se l'umanità aumenta di miliardi,
al confronto le nostre due esistenze,
non son che due minuscoli petardi,
facciamoli bruciare, è già molto tardi.
Ma lei niente, lei continua a spron battuto,
io annuisco con sapienza pensando: sarà questo il tributo?
Da pagare alla figliola un po' ciarliera che anche questa sera
m'ha ficcato nell'imbuto; ogni tanto provo a metterla un po' sul ridanciano:
"Uh! Carino questo film con Verdone, Montesano..."
Ma lei con dito fermo spegne la televisione
e riprende con la globalizzazione.
Filomena son le sette del mattino se mi scappa uno sbadiglio
non ti offendere ti prego; nella mente avevo pronto
uno scenario tutto nostro,
qualcosa di molto simile a un filmino tailandese,
ma tu invece di recitarci assieme a me
mi leggi l'editoriale di Sabino Cassese.
Filomena son le dieci del mattino se non chiudi la boccuccia
dovrò premere il grilletto. Se non altro questa notte m'è servita
a capire un po' le donne e i segreti della vita:
ora grazie a Filomena anche io parlo complesso,
chiamo sempre 'vespasiano' quel che ieri era il cesso
dove adesso mi rintano con riviste letterate
e non più con giornaletti di tope spalancate.
Filomena, amore mio, con i tuoi insegnamenti
ora ho anche riscoperto la fede in Dio;
alla messa prefestiva vado sempre coi signori
e con le loro mogli coperte d'ori.
Così presto andremo a cena con il sindaco e signora
per parlar tutta la sera del nuovo ponte sulla Dora
oppure, ancora meglio, con Piero Angela e sua moglie
che ci spiegheranno bene come trombano le sogliole.
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